bringer_of_fun

[[The morning after this.]]

Bobby wakes the morning after Valentine's Day feeling drained. He's tired and feels discontented, and is in no mood for a Danger Room session, or the chewing out he gets from Scott afterward for being slow and unfocused. Instead of arguing with his team's leader (there's no arguement, really), Bobby just mumbles an apology and a promise to do better next time. Scott stares at his retreating back with concern.

He can hear Scott asking Hank if Bobby had had a rough night, and Hank's reply that Bobby hadn't left their room all night. Bobby doesn't care what Scott thinks; he's tired of trying to explain Milliways to people who refuse to understand or believe. He's just trying to process what the hell happened to him last night, and how he feels about it.

He goes out onto the roof of the mansion; it's a prime spot for someone who wants to be alone with his thoughts. The view is nice, and it's not likely anyone will think to look for him there.

He's fairly sure that the behavior he remembers exhibiting in front of Rachel is pretty accurate--except he doesn't remember why he suddenly felt as if he'd die if she didn't love him as much as he loved her. LOVED her? Jeeze! Why would he even think that? Sure she's gorgeous, but she's about as warm as one of his snow cones and more prickly than a porcupine. He kind of likes her; she's had it really rough and is still standing--who wouldn't admire that? But love is another matter, entirely.

He winces a bit when he remembers all of the incredibly cheesy things he said to her, and how she laughed at him. He's not sure if he'll ever be able to look her in the face again. There's one burgeoning friendship down the drain. He sits and broods over his folly for a while longer before deciding to head to his room to hide from the rest of the team, and any further scolding coming his way.

It takes him a moment to realize that there are voices coming from his room, and that one of them is his. A rush of panic washes over him at the memory of the video he'd uploaded from his phone last night. Dear God! He'd burned a copy of that and blithely handed it over to Rachel, and now someone was in his room watching that video? He tries to think of exactly what he said once she'd started recording him, but isn't sure, exactly. He takes a deep breath, readying himself to be mocked and laughed at by at least one person on his team.

He can hear Hank's voice saying, "Wow. He's really got it bad."

"I've never seen him this way." Warren's voice murmurs, next.

So...at least two fifths of the team knows...

He throws open the door, and Hank and Warren at least have the decency to look abashed. Neither one of them his laughing, though.

"It would be nice if you guys didn't go through my stuff without asking." Bobby can feel the heat flooding into his face as he sees himself on the screen, wearing a besotted expression.

"Bobby, we're sorry," Warren says immediately. "We didn't mean to invade your privacy. We were worried about you, because you were acting so weird today. Now we know why. She's beautiful, by the way."

"Bobby..." Hank begins hesitantly. "We had no idea you were seeing someone."

"I'm not." Bobby says flatly. "I wasn't myself last night, and said a bunch of crap I wouldn't normally say."

"But the girl?" Warren points to the monitor of the laptop.

"Wouldn't give me the time of day. This was all some sort of colossal fuck up, and Rachel is probably still laughing her ass off about it."

Hank and Warren both look slightly stunned at Bobby's swearing and then their expressions change to worried sympathy.

"Is she a mutant you met somewhere?" Warren asks quietly.

At the same time, Hank asks, "Were you drinking?"

"No and no." Bobby rakes his hands through his hair and throws himself onto his bed, where he sits sullenly, trying to think how to explain, or if he even should. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

"Try us." Hank suggests, crouching in front of his friend, sounding sincere.

Warren turns the desk chair backward, so that he won't have to sit on his wings, resting his arms on the back and then his chin on his arms. "You said this was last night? Weren't you here all night?"

Bobby sighs, and decides to give it one more try...

It isn't often that Bobby gets seriously introspective. It's easier for him to put on a smile and pretend that nothing's wrong when he feels this way, but the smile isn't coming today. The jokes that normally get more numerous the less okay he is aren't there on the tip of his tongue, ready to mask his real mood.

Since finding Milliways and meeting so many different people, he's begun to feel...small. Not insignificant so much as just not as different as he'd thought. He liked having his powers and being special. He liked being a hero, for the most part. Now, he's had many people telling him that being a hero is a waste of his time, though they word it differently. Why does he care what people think of mutants? Why does he fight to protect people who would cheer at the news of his death, some days? Why does he hide his real identity?

Because it's the right thing to do. That's the answer he'd give nine times out of ten. Why is it the right thing? Magneto would say that as Homo Sapiens Superior, it's the natural order of things for mutants to take over...evolution and the benefits of being made better than regular humans. Dangerous thinking, but Bobby can almost understand it; millions rallied around Hitler who has the same kinds of ideals.

Bobby knows that the dimwitted jokster act he puts on for everyone is so good that most people think he's either a simpleton or incredibly naive. He doesn't apply himself to his academics and often asks for things to be explained...even when he is fully able to understand the concepts and principals. People dumb things down for him because they think he's not very bright sometimes. He never really believed it of himself--at least, he hadn't before meeting Jordan and a few others who thought he was too blinded by the hero bit to see the forest for the trees.

He's aware that they think he doesn't see how things are, and that they think that a small group of teenaged heroes trying to save the world is futile. Sometimes he feels the same way himself.

That Japanese Beetle guy claimed to be a hero, but didn't have a problem giving alcohol to minors and robbing his foes after defeating them. He's puzzled by a hero that can be so morally bankrupt. How can a hero expect anyone to trust him when they act as though the laws don't apply to them? But then...isn't that what the X-men do, only they do it for 'the greater good'?

Beetle claimed Jordan was evil...he didn't believe that, though she did have a huge chip on her shoulder. He felt she was entitled to that chip, and that her circumstances were very different than most...but he didn't think that she would truly enjoy hurting innocent people.

There's being outside of the law for various reasons, and then there's true evil. Jordan lives outside the law due to necessity, but would she settle into an honest life if she was free of the agency hunting her? She is brilliant enough to realize she could live a very profitable and comfortable life of her choosing on the right side of the law if she moved to another place to start over. Would she be happy with that? Who wouldn't? It sort of bothers him that she thinks of him as cute and harmless and misguided, even though that's exactly what he tries to project.